I took you to the park today, your favourite thing in the world is being outside surrounded by birds, trees, seeing planes fly over and cars drive by. You greet each car with an enthusiastic wave, a smile that could stop traffic and an emphatic identification that it is, indeed, a car.
My heart melts when you are in the sunshine, Sam. Because it is such a reflection of who you are as my child. Your joyful, playful and cheeky nature is so perfectly balanced by your sweetness and sensitivity, that when I see you in your element, face alight with joy, I am complete in that moment.
All the weight of the weeks passed, days where I’ve barely hung on to my sanity and self, days where you learn to express your will in typical two year old ways and I am the sounding board, they all evaporate and all I see is your joyful heart as you take in this big wide world with so much wonder and gratitude.
It’s bittersweet, these hours, these days. Soon our special dance will be interrupted and we will have to learn to welcome a new dance partner to our bond, when your baby sister arrives. I am so excited to introduce you to her, but I am so sad to be letting go of this phase of us: where you and I are it, and you’re my baby. My one and only. So I cherish these days, the ones where you light up with joy over the simple things we do together. And I try not to cry when out of the blue you just decide it’s time for “cuggles” with Mummy, and you hold me so tight with your little hands, as if I am your whole world and don’t let go.
I cherish the silent moments as you drift to sleep in my arms, even though my back aches and I desperately need the bathroom, or a hot shower, or all the things I haven’t had a chance to do in amongst being your mum today. And I linger these days just a little bit longer because I know our time, the time of just us is coming to an end, and although I am not ready, I know it is coming.
You will always be my baby, Sam. And I promise to always look for chances to dance in the sun with you, even when our family grows.