I come home from work, tired. I turn the tv on and then decide I prefer the silence.
The clicking as I type is rhythmic, therapeutic. I think of my brother as I do every day when I am reminded of him. I type this blog on his laptop. I miss him.
Yesterday I let myself relive some of the pain of losing him. I sat and watched a great mentor of both mine and his give his eulogy. Then I watched his amazing wife give hers. I let myself hear that song that I wrote, that carried his body out of the service. I let the tears fall as I watched the beautiful words of others fill the screen at his funeral.
I let myself cry.
I let myself weep.
I let myself wail to my God, to the silent sky that feels as if it doesn’t hear me, even when I scream.
I let myself be helpless, lost, out of control.
Then I washed my face, ate my dinner and crawled into bed with the love of my life where I held him a bit closer.
This week I made a decision to let myself hurt. To let myself grieve. To revisit my feelings of grief. To acknowledge the confusion. The hurt.
And this week, I feel the strangest, most beautiful peace in my spirit.
I feel… lighter.
It’s amazing how just one thing can do that.
How just one decision can change everything – the decision to let something go, the decision to allow yourself to grieve, the decision to trust in God.
What one thing will you do this week?
Just One Thing is all it takes to be free….