August 21st will mark a significant day for me. It will be my first solo performance in over 5 years; me and my piano, nowhere to hide.
There’s this part of me that’s insanely stressed about it, because I feel so out of practice as a performer, especially when it comes to my piano playing. But the overwhelming feeling is of excitement and anticipation.
I am performing as a guest of honour at the AGITG annual gala dinner, where the recipient of the Kristian Anderson award (named after my brother) will be speaking. I’ve been asked to perform a short set of my original music for the attendees, and I am extremely honoured.
So this week I’ve sat down a few times to rehearse a bit and work out which songs I will perform.
Muscle memory is an amazing thing. I haven’t really played the piano much more than a handful of times over the past year, and yet those shapes, those patterns, those progressions are built into me like DNA. It feels so good to be doing it, but I am always reminded of that niggling fear, that little doubt that given enough time and anxiety turns into a crippling monster you’re terrified to face. Only this time, I feel differently. I feel… adrenaline. I feel like I’m ready to fight.
On the outside, this might not seem a big deal to so many musicians and songwriters who perform day after day, but for me, the one who was too afraid to go there, this is huge.
I’m battle ready, and I’m excited.
Small steps in huge journeys may not seem much, but every journey starts with a single step. I’m excited after so many years of dryness to be walking toward the water.
I really hope the floodgates open and some new music comes out.
Here we go. *Big Breath*